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November 30, 2005
Where is my stuff?
I like to think of life as one big game, and really the best example of this is the fun-filled morning adventure I play with myself each day called "Where is my stuff?"
Here's how it works: I have three items that I carry around: wallet, cell phone, and keys. Before I go to sleep, I scatter these things around the house in various hiding places. When I wake up, I try to find them.
This game might have been fun the first 17,000 times I played it, but I'm afraid to say the charm has worn off. And yet I can't stop playing it! It's THAT addictive!
Oh, actually it wasn't fun the first 17,000 times either.
I've developed some strategies for winning this game that really come in handy. The wallet, well, there's no reason to use that once I'm home, so it's pretty reliably in the pocket of some kind of clothing: pants, coat, etc. And since I only own one pair of pants and no coat, this part of the game is what I like to call the "warm-up."
Cell phone -- well, this one isn't so hard either, because it's usually plugged into the wall, charging. I also use it as my alarm clock, not so much for wakeup purposes (I typically sleep for a good 5-8 hours after it goes off) as a mid-sleep reminder of its location. Throw in the built-in homing-beacon properties that can be activated by asking my roommate to call me, and the cell phone is well-nigh unlosable. I have still lost at least 2 cell phones. And I dread the day they create a cell phone that doesn't need to be plugged in to recharge every night. Within 24 hours of that invention, I will lose 18 phones.
Keys, however. This is the "Warhammer 40k" to the "Dungeon! The Boardgame" that is the cell phone stage. Anyone who doubts that I am a creative person should see the last 9,000 places I've put my keys. There is NO telling where they might be! Left in the lock? Check! Under a pile of laundry? Been there! Inside a homeless lady's vagina? No! That is the one place I can guarantee my keys will never be. Anywhere else is totally fair game. Break out the graph paper and the compass, because there is some CRPG-style mapping that is going to take place before this quest is through.
Help me.
Posted by tony at November 30, 2005 10:53 AM
Comments
Put your wallet,keys, and cellphone on your nightstand when you come home.
Posted by: Dan at November 30, 2005 12:22 PM
You could use one of these: loc8tor.
Also, I had no idea you were 46+ years old. You look good for middle-age!
Posted by: brian at November 30, 2005 12:45 PM
keys in the fridge? I did that once.
Often after I find my keys (whcih I usually leave right on the table near my front door - but sometimes I don't and then there is trouble) I can't even imagine how they got where I found them.
Posted by: Kevhines at November 30, 2005 04:45 PM
Although I might suggest the Loc8tor, you'd probably end up losing that as well. I might also suggest the "male purse", but lets get fun with this: coax a homeless woman into spending a lot of time with you, and use her vagina for the ultimate cubby hole. Unsanitary? Yes. Convenient? ...Maybe.
Posted by: Katey at November 30, 2005 04:47 PM
Just put everything in your butt right before you go to sleep. Storing things is one of it's many uses.
Posted by: Shaun at November 30, 2005 09:01 PM
I had Dungeon! the Boardgame
It rocked pretty hard for being so simplistic.
Plus the goal was just to get the most money.
Not kill an evil person or anything.
So that pretty much ruled.
Posted by: S the B at December 2, 2005 01:24 AM
