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September 19, 2005
helpful people
Just get out of my way. I am trying to do something. Please. Please get out of my way. Please stop making my life impossible. Please, Frank (landlord), I would like to shoot some video in front of the building that I live in for half an hour. Is that okay? Please? No? You don't want me to shoot the front of the building? Why is that, exactly? Oh, no reason? That's fine, you don't have to have a reason, it totally makes sense that I should not be allowed to take pictures of a building that my roommate and I pay almost two thousand dollars a month to live in. No, absolutely, please, why should I be upset about this? You have an excellent point. I'm being totally unreasonable. Don't worry, I won't shoot the front of the building. Oh, you want to stand there and watch while we're shooting this? Because you don't trust that I'm not going to shoot the front of the building? That's fine, totally fine, we'll just stand here awkwardly for a while, pretend that we're done, pack up, and go stand in front of another building two doors down. Sure, we'll have to stand on the public sidewalk instead of the enclosed stoop area, so we're more in the way of passersby, but that's okay. This is totally part of the artistic process, I'm so glad that I am in such a privileged position where I can focus 100% of my energies and creativity on making art, thanks for making it easy for me. You are seriously an inspiration.
Please, downstairs neighbor, I would like to shoot some video on the fire escape. Oh, you are going to open your window and say, "Is there a fire?" Yes, there is a fire, that is why we ran down the fire escape and then back up, because first we wanted to escape the fire and then we changed our minds. Oh wait, I'm being silly, of course you know there isn't a fire, you're just trying to annoy us so we don't shoot on the fire escape. That makes total sense! Why should we ever be able to shoot video anywhere? I see your point. You are being helpful.
Hey, we're shooting in front of a church, this is going smoothly, how awesome. Oh, hello, random lady. Yes, the five of us would be happy to stop what we're doing in the 80-degree sun in the middle of the day to answer your questions. We are shooting a short film. It is for ourselves. Can we stop answering questions now? Oh, you're done asking questions, now you're just saying you're not sure that the church would like to be in this film. Okay, thanks for the advice! We didn't think of that! You are full of helpful and creative ideas. I'm so glad that somehow, even in your busy life, you are able to make time to help out other people like us. No, don't worry, I am not about to kill myself! I love writing scripts, and shooting video, and directing. It has made my life so wonderful so far, I can't even begin to dream of the dizzying heights this pursuit will lift me to in the future. I will make sure to thank you if I ever receive any kind of award for doing this, and I probably will!
Posted by tony at September 19, 2005 12:15 AM
Comments
This is the funniest post I have ever read. Ever.
Posted by: Rachael at September 19, 2005 03:26 AM
I wonder if these helpful people would like to star in your next film? That would be as hilarious as your post.
Posted by: Phil at September 19, 2005 10:39 AM
Somebody needs a hug.
Posted by: Patbaer at September 19, 2005 10:54 AM
shoot in front of an abortion clinic.
Posted by: kate at September 19, 2005 01:30 PM
You should just tell them you're making a documentary about a firefighter that died on 9/11. That will shut them up.
Posted by: Shaun Clayton at September 27, 2005 05:13 PM
